I miss you, I just miss you so much its eating at my soul. The memory was supposed to fade, things were supposed to feel better, but it doesn't. The guilt of pushing you away remains fresh. Please come back.

Give me a chance. Give us a chance.

How is it possible for me to have two break downs in a week? I needed and wanted an answer for so long and I thought I had a glimmer of hope to be finally answered. By the end, I could have possibly screwed up so badly, which I regret my actions. I'll do my best to hold my tear for you.

I barely regret decisions I have made previously, but there seems to be one decision I made last week which inevitably will impact my whole life. I fell in love with the idea of you. I would want to turn back time to the 27 September 2011 and have clicked 'ignore'.

If I die young...

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

Ok, I get it....you didn't have to be so mean about it. Just because things did not turn out like neither of us expected, doesn't mean we are not even friends. But I got your message clearly. Pristine.

I miss you. I fight my feelings everyday to avoid getting hurt. But I remember all the memories. It was another illusion I choose to create. I never thought you would hurt me this badly. I cared so much about you, and I really thought you did too. - No saint here -

Why did I choose to stand back and let you live your life, when it killed me inside? Perhaps I started to loving you, and I choose to let you go, if it made you happy. I never thought I would fall for someone like you. 





I hate myself for allowing myself to begin falling in love with you. 


If only you knew how much it tears me up inside. If I meant anything to you. Talk to me.  

Hanging on......

Why hang on to all the lost hope in the world when there is so much more out there? Perhaps we hang around waiting for that beauty in that person to shine through, to prove us wrong. But we need to realise, that some people will never be as beautiful as we once saw them. 




"Sometimes we waste too much time to think about someone who doesn't even think about us for a second" - Wiz Khalifa

I am not okay, okay

.











I know that I need to know, but yet I feel so afraid of knowing the truth from you. You made me feel what no one has been able to do over the past 4 years, but you also made me feel what I avoided feeling.

I'm not okay. I am barely okay.

Almost lover

Always my favorite song, when I am going through a heartbreak - "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy.......................


Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Source: www.tumblr.com

I'll Stand By You

"Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less


So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you"


Why did you have to make me feel all the emotions I have worked so hard to avoid?

"In the heart are three emotions - I felt them then: love, fear and hatred. I could see that an individual could only have one of the three at a time. When you were in love you knew no fear or hatred. When you were fearful, there was no possibility of love or hate. And when there was hate, there was only hate."

Excerpt from “The Last Vampire” by Christopher Pike. 

I wanna scream at you for breaking my heart when you promised me that you would not. I want to hit you till my arms are exhausted so that you would feel part of the pain I am going through. If you were in pain, you could have talked to me, communicate your feelings. You literally left me crippled all over again. Are you proud of how you handled the situation? Perhaps I was right about you being too young for me. Why did I ever consider the possibility of being with you? You were never ready. I was. I was ready to be committed. I was. I am now preparing myself for the longest part of my journey - to heal myself whole.

I'll miss you, but I can't stay

If I could speak to you one last time, that would be to know what happened to us. After that, you are allowed to walk away, as I will not be staying for you. 


The disappointment I have felt over the past two weeks have thrown my life into a chaos, and I was so blinded by your charm. Nevertheless, you taught me an important lesson. You clearly showed me why you have remained single all these while, and I am glad I could see that early on. 


I tried, I really did even if I never showed it. You gave up on me a little too early. 


It's sad to know, that you leave me the choice of giving up on you, when I truly believed in you. 

Right now - this is how I feel

Source: www.tumblr.com and as indicated on the images

Disappoint

You disappointment more than I would have ever imagined. It feels like you lied the entire time.

Source: http://leilockheart.me/post/2922248156

Where are you?

I just miss you, I miss you so much that I have to cry so I don't feel all alone. I cannot afford to fall for you when you are showing me you don't care. 


It's been so difficult to tell myself that I have to let you go in order to save myself from anymore pain. 


Please come back to me soon, or watch me walk away, Dannie. 

Source: http://lovequotesrus.tumblr.com/

Don't say the words which I might end up believing. You asked me if I was ready, but perhaps you are not. It already has begun hurting me, and it is sad to see myself whithering away. 


Once, I thought you would be a mistake I was willing to make, but now you have becoming my biggest 'what if'. I just thought.....you would be different. Well, you are. It's baffles me how you manage to break my heart before things get serious.


I hate to tell myself this, but you would need to watch me as I go. I desired to know you, but these days I don't seem to know you anymore.

Source: http://xxmeagainsttheworld.tumblr.com/

The idea of me

Call me paranoid, but I am beginning to believe that you are not in love with me, just the idea of me. I just thought that perhaps we could move forward from this and explore where we could be, but you give me all the doubts I need to question myself. 

If I could tell you how I feel now, I would start by saying that I missed you so dearly today, and every night, I feel lonely without you to comfort me. The insecurity sweep over me and I feel the need to hear you. I cant stop thinking of you because I am so infatuated with you. I think I am falling for you..falling all over my heart. - No saint here -

It occurred to me that you mean a lot more to me than I can truly handle....and that's why I cannot give you an answer. 


At 4.29am on 21st March 2011, all I can think of is you. How you make me miss you so badly by playing my game. I think of you, I think of placing you in my life, trying to look for the space in my mind......after you have won my infatuation. 


I am overly infatuated with you, and when you asked me "Are you ready for it?", the question daunted me. How can I answer you when I have the answer in my mind, but my heart is screaming for me to beware? Or was it the other way round? Either way, you are a mistake I am willing to make. I would want for you to hold me at night, while I lay my lips on yours. I know you would love that. I just need to lose my heart, soul and mind to you completely.


You would know my answer to all your questions, if you read my blog. Till then, let's just be friends.


You are all over my life, my post.

Down The Light

I hope you feel this way, as depicted in Jason Walker’s “Down”.

I don't know where Im at
I'm standing at the back
And I'm tired of waiting
I'm waiting here in line
I'm hoping that I'll find
What I've been chasing

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down.
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown?
I'll never know why 
Its coming down, down, down.

I'm not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing.
But I'm missing way too much
So when do I give up
what I've been wishing for?

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown?
I'll never know why
Its coming down, down, down.

Oh, I am going down, down, down.
I cant find another way around.
And I dont wanna hear that sound
Of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky.
I'm stuck on the ground.
So why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down.
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown?
I'll never know why 
Its coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down.
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown?
Oh, its coming down, down, down

And for you I feel Sara Bareilles’ “The Light”.

In the morning it comes heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding onto you
From the moment I knew
From the moment I knew

You were the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs
Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
Nothing better than this, and then the storm can come
You feel just like the sun
Just like the sun

And you say
It'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you babe
Gonna look in your eyes
And you say it'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light

Never mind what I knew
Nothing seems to matter now
I'm lost without you, I can't do without
No one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down
But I'm here with you now
I'm with you now

And you say it'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And you say
It'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light

That door would come rushing, come down hard, come crushing
All I need is right here beside me
My love I swear it
Take my love and wear it over your shoulders

And if you say
It'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you babe
Gonna look in your eyes
And you say it'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light

Missing you

I miss you as well, but for the sake of my sanity, I have chosen to ignore you.

Best unread

Life was much happier without me knowing things I should not know.

P/S: The theory of you and I - not us, not we. Why do I feel so uncomfortable knowing things which doesn't play a part of my life?

Argh, wishing now I did NOT Google your name. All that happiness I was feeling has been swiped away.

Hatred, Love and Fears

When I spoke to you the other night about being afraid and scared, I was really telling you how I felt – afraid and scared to move forward with you. For me to think of moving forward with is a huge step for me and I mean it when I think it. It’s the kind of fear that we are two individuals living different lives all these while, and we might move forward by being at the wrong state. We could be at wrong states of a relationship.

You, it would be your first relationship. Being the first, you could love me till pieces or you could be surveying the field. For me, I am at that stage where I want to quit breaking anyone’s heart – including mine. I want to be in the relationship to make things work, for us to have a real future together. I’m not saying or thinking of getting married just yet, but at least I would like to be with someone whom I may like to spend my life with.

I love the way you make things seem to fun and easy. When things are difficult, even for yourself, you are like the calm between the seas. The way you tell me to come kiss you, gives me butterflies. Your kisses on my lips and skin make me go weak. You independence, provides us the opportunity to be individuals in our own right. Patience doesn’t come to me easily, you breathe patience all around. Your command and insistence puts my mind at ease.  

Look at me and tell me you want to make “us” work. Hold me and reassure me.

Source: http://love-theonlyrule.tumblr.com

The only conversation we have been having the past week is "hi, hey, hi dear". I feel frustrated by this void of communication. I refuse to believe you are that difficult to track down.

D, I never thought I would ever see you again. Why is it I cannot let you go? I saw you, not once, but twice this week. Were you trying to tell me something? Don't confuse my part and present for myself. You are just a memory to me, so please stay that way. You will always be 'that guy' in my heart.

Why does it feel we are playing the same game where we pretend the other person is not around? We are so unwilling to let go of our pride - that we wait for each other. So we wait, and wait and no one is saying anything in the end. I miss you, I do. I wish I could have you comfort me now. I have been waiting one whole week.

Every night I wonder if my phone will ring, and it will be your name on my caller id. Tonight out of the past few nights, I had hope more than ever you would call me. My stress level tonight had mounted and I needed to hear you to ease my anxiety. Besides that, it would have been great to know you are back home safely. Perhaps I wanted you to let me know you are safe. I think about you every night, and it worries me not knowing you are okay. Why do I miss you so much, but at the same time I choose not to show you how I really feel? Perhaps you and I had agreed that we shall live our own lives. It was perhaps a mistake on my part. I miss you unconditionally. I just wish I had a way to tell you so. - No saint here -

Why am I feeling so conflicted about you? My emotions feel everywhere - no minute I don't want to care nor remember you, at night I am obessed over you.

I do like you, but why don't I feel the butterflies. I do like showers of attention and you do suprise me at times - but perhaps I am begining to feel that it is not enough for me. And today I found out you are in a completely different state - you did not mention this previously. But who am I to judge, I have a knack for leaving the country with no prior information. I have intention of informing you that I will be gone in March.

Change of heart

A: I don't really think anything has changed for us. 
B: Yeah, things haven't really change. 
A: You are still the same annoying person. 
B: But perhaps your feelings for me have changes.


Maybe it was my feeling which have changed. 


I thought / am thinking about you. 


I miss you. 


I kinda love the way you ask me questions - more importantly that question.


I know I have countless times told you not to wait, for you to feel free to find someone, however the more time we spend, the less I want to say it. I am in need for someone who can wait. Someone to wait a little longer. I might be ready to jump that plank of uncertainty. The remaining question that remains is will you be the one? 


"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it is going to be worth it"

Repost: Mystery Author

Reposting from May 2009: I still can't figure out who this person is. And I'm kinda dying to know.


j o e Y


"Found this post on my Yahoo! 360 blog, but I can barely remember who the writer was. If you think or notice such familar voice, do let me know. I had always been a bitch back then. Perhaps I might fight past that stage soon. 

Not mine, someone sent it to me. I felt shocked, because so happen I was awake during that time (3am). I honestly feel touched, but I have no more other feeling apart from touched.

 If you only knew, How much I missed you, Not hearing your sweet gentle voice, Not knowing how are you, Not knowing what you ate or did when you were missing, Not knowing what happened to you, Damn it, I am in love with you, Wish you were here, How I wish I could hug you, Hear your voice whispering in my ear, Holding your soft gentle hands and cheeks, I will be waiting for you, No matter the price, I will always wait for you."

Neglected

"Sorry to have neglected u. Truly my bad. I am sorry"

Why does it statement take me by surprise, and made me smile? It made my heart melt so slightly. 

Be brave

I stared at the messenger window for a full few minutes, but yet I could not bring myself to say "Hi". I realise things are no longer the way they used to be. I realise I am no longer that person I used to be. 


I sit here thinking of what I could have told you, what I wanted to tell you for all these months. But it was my pride which got in the way - between me and you.


"This is me swallowing my pride"


I miss you. I just never called because I needed you to call me - I needed you to miss me.


Close your eyes and be brave. Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually.

Hello Motorola...

Since when did Motorola become so sexy?

Blogthings

Awareness

You Are Somewhat Self Actualized

Your awareness is high. You notice everything - you are extremely detail oriented. Your honesty is medium. You're somewhat open, but there are a few secrets you keep to yourself. Your freedom is medium. You need a creative outlet occasionally, but you don't always need to be original. Your trust is low. You find it difficult to believe that people are who they say they are.

The Four Factor Self-Actualization Test

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Fight me

Fight me a little harder. Tell me I cannot win this game. You making it all to simple. - No saint here -