Today’s Hallucination

I seem to hear you everywhere I go, I seem to see you at every corner of my eyes, I feel your presence all the time despite you not physically being there. It gets borderline annoying when I am constantly thinking of you, thinking of your drinking "addiction", your obsession to observe and ask too many questions. Despite not being at work, I can sense your presence. Somehow after months of being infatuated, it becomes slightly boring and then I lose most of my interest in you. But you are so borderline attractive and not at the same time, that you can morph that boredom into a new phase of infatuation. Most of the time, I can't resist looking at you. Can't resist that God gifted smile of yours, but somewhat today, the feeling was different. I felt fearful over turning over to my right. It came to the point where I would intentionally face the left to avoid looking at you. It felt as though I could not meet eyes and look at you, not out of fondness, but fear.

Today the crippling feeling took over where I constantly feel exhausted with my life. It's not that I love my job any less, I still love it unconditionally. Perhaps due to the slow pace at work after the bullet speed beginning, it is getting a little monotonous. For a person with borderline Attention Deficit Disorder, what more do you expect me to feel.

My schedule is becoming so monotonous. Its starts the night before where I sleep at 11.30pm or midnight, and begins with the next morning at 6.00am to 6.35am – shower, dress (which takes incredibly long these days) and sometimes an occasional blow-drying of my hair (depending on the mood and the activity for the day). Heading down for breakfast and my morning coffee, it all last about 15 minutes to a maximum of 25 minutes. Starting work at 7.30am, all alone in the office can be a ball of fun. But when 8.45am comes, I get nervous. The nerves stay with me the whole day (mostly). Today, for some weird timing screw up, I only left at 7.30pm. Coming back home to an empty table, heading up to an empty room where I mostly dump my stuff (before arranging it back) definitely doesn't lighten the mood. It's another round of shower and the beginning of my studies again. Right now, I just feel so exhausted typing this whiny blog piece.

I am just hanging on to dear life because I am waiting for a phone call..............I am going to lie down waiting. I am going to close my eyes waiting. I am going to definitely miss my call.