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Life was much happier without me knowing things I should not know.

P/S: The theory of you and I - not us, not we. Why do I feel so uncomfortable knowing things which doesn't play a part of my life?

Argh, wishing now I did NOT Google your name. All that happiness I was feeling has been swiped away.

Hatred, Love and Fears

When I spoke to you the other night about being afraid and scared, I was really telling you how I felt – afraid and scared to move forward with you. For me to think of moving forward with is a huge step for me and I mean it when I think it. It’s the kind of fear that we are two individuals living different lives all these while, and we might move forward by being at the wrong state. We could be at wrong states of a relationship.

You, it would be your first relationship. Being the first, you could love me till pieces or you could be surveying the field. For me, I am at that stage where I want to quit breaking anyone’s heart – including mine. I want to be in the relationship to make things work, for us to have a real future together. I’m not saying or thinking of getting married just yet, but at least I would like to be with someone whom I may like to spend my life with.

I love the way you make things seem to fun and easy. When things are difficult, even for yourself, you are like the calm between the seas. The way you tell me to come kiss you, gives me butterflies. Your kisses on my lips and skin make me go weak. You independence, provides us the opportunity to be individuals in our own right. Patience doesn’t come to me easily, you breathe patience all around. Your command and insistence puts my mind at ease.  

Look at me and tell me you want to make “us” work. Hold me and reassure me.

Source: http://love-theonlyrule.tumblr.com

The only conversation we have been having the past week is "hi, hey, hi dear". I feel frustrated by this void of communication. I refuse to believe you are that difficult to track down.

D, I never thought I would ever see you again. Why is it I cannot let you go? I saw you, not once, but twice this week. Were you trying to tell me something? Don't confuse my part and present for myself. You are just a memory to me, so please stay that way. You will always be 'that guy' in my heart.

Why does it feel we are playing the same game where we pretend the other person is not around? We are so unwilling to let go of our pride - that we wait for each other. So we wait, and wait and no one is saying anything in the end. I miss you, I do. I wish I could have you comfort me now. I have been waiting one whole week.

Every night I wonder if my phone will ring, and it will be your name on my caller id. Tonight out of the past few nights, I had hope more than ever you would call me. My stress level tonight had mounted and I needed to hear you to ease my anxiety. Besides that, it would have been great to know you are back home safely. Perhaps I wanted you to let me know you are safe. I think about you every night, and it worries me not knowing you are okay. Why do I miss you so much, but at the same time I choose not to show you how I really feel? Perhaps you and I had agreed that we shall live our own lives. It was perhaps a mistake on my part. I miss you unconditionally. I just wish I had a way to tell you so. - No saint here -

Why am I feeling so conflicted about you? My emotions feel everywhere - no minute I don't want to care nor remember you, at night I am obessed over you.

I do like you, but why don't I feel the butterflies. I do like showers of attention and you do suprise me at times - but perhaps I am begining to feel that it is not enough for me. And today I found out you are in a completely different state - you did not mention this previously. But who am I to judge, I have a knack for leaving the country with no prior information. I have intention of informing you that I will be gone in March.

Change of heart

A: I don't really think anything has changed for us. 
B: Yeah, things haven't really change. 
A: You are still the same annoying person. 
B: But perhaps your feelings for me have changes.


Maybe it was my feeling which have changed. 


I thought / am thinking about you. 


I miss you. 


I kinda love the way you ask me questions - more importantly that question.


I know I have countless times told you not to wait, for you to feel free to find someone, however the more time we spend, the less I want to say it. I am in need for someone who can wait. Someone to wait a little longer. I might be ready to jump that plank of uncertainty. The remaining question that remains is will you be the one? 


"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it is going to be worth it"