I realise I have changed your status. The change of status means nothing to you or the common man. It, however holds a special meaning to me. You just moved up the board of friends, taking my level of care and obsessive nature a up a notch. I will cling to you because you fed me my supply of attention. It is about to ruin your life, so you better run while you can. Don't end up being my assumement park. - No saint here -

I miss the days where I hope you are okay, I miss those times where I was be able to cry on your shoulders. Everything has changed over the past year, And you have been missed deeply, I showed you I cared, But my mistake was to care to much. I miss the way you laugh, the way you smile. All I see now is your eyes, those sad eyes. How I wish I was able to hold you to change that stare. I miss having you around. - No saint here -

I am fine

Yes, I am fine. 


F - Freaked out
I - Insecure
N - Nervous
E - Emotional


Source: http://makemestfu.com/

What are we?

I don’t know what we are. Sometimes I feel like we’re friends, sometimes I feel like we’re more than friends, but sometimes I feel like I’m just a stranger to you.

Back to...

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and make it all right

I go back to December all the time.

Using me

Why did you have to pick me? Why did you use me? You said you did not intend for it to happen, but it feels like I was used. I have trouble keeping myself afloat, and now you weigh me down even further.

I know it was about time. I just knew it, and I was right. My senses seldom fail me.

You think I am a toy to be played with, to entertain your boredom. I might have been the toy once, but I grew into a human. Being human, I have emotions, feelings - I feel disappointed. I feel useless. I feel used.

I never told you I suffered because it wasn't worth your knowledge.

I am so tired of being your punching bag. You have beaten me up in so many ways - I cannot express. Am I a rag doll to you? You make me hate myself so much. You striped all my confidence away.

j o e Y

End

The day and nights I spend with you is all I can ask for. But as Sunday draws near, it is another week which goes by. The passing weeks draws my time with you to an end. You may not know it is the end, but our time together will come to an end. I hear the Siren calling out your name. Her voice hunts my dreams. Her presents instills fear within my soul. Without hesitation, I shall walk away. The intimacy we have will never be the same. I will collapse like a deck of cards and you can never build me the same way ever. I hurt you now, to save myself the pain later. I will not make you choose, as I can never win the war I was never winning.


j o e Y

Inspiration

What inspires me?

The broken pieces of my heart was what I had to pick up once. While they were scattered and shattered, I eventually mended my heart back. Even the scars aren't visible anymore these days. You made the days of sorrow turn around to smiles. You shielded my heart with your bare hands.

At times, my heart goes weak and feel the emotions which it should not be feeling, and yet it verges to shatter once more. This time my heart will break for you for you are the one who I worry for, who I care for, whom I want to keep safe. Instead of keeping you safe, I have brought you too close to myself.

You being you, and me not being able to have you inspires me. You inspire me more than you know you do. I'll never say it out loud, but there are so many things I do for you. 

Why not

Why not try to say it in simple terms?
Why not try to listen and follow up better?

Pay attention. I am trying to telling you that I missed you throughout the day.

Denial...

“The more we deny what we feel, the more we lose ourselves.”


Constant denial...........I am afraid of being turned away from. I deny what my heart feels, what my mind tells me, what I know, what I know will happen. 


You may be who I want, but not the person I need in my life.