Today’s Hallucination

I seem to hear you everywhere I go, I seem to see you at every corner of my eyes, I feel your presence all the time despite you not physically being there. It gets borderline annoying when I am constantly thinking of you, thinking of your drinking "addiction", your obsession to observe and ask too many questions. Despite not being at work, I can sense your presence. Somehow after months of being infatuated, it becomes slightly boring and then I lose most of my interest in you. But you are so borderline attractive and not at the same time, that you can morph that boredom into a new phase of infatuation. Most of the time, I can't resist looking at you. Can't resist that God gifted smile of yours, but somewhat today, the feeling was different. I felt fearful over turning over to my right. It came to the point where I would intentionally face the left to avoid looking at you. It felt as though I could not meet eyes and look at you, not out of fondness, but fear.

Today the crippling feeling took over where I constantly feel exhausted with my life. It's not that I love my job any less, I still love it unconditionally. Perhaps due to the slow pace at work after the bullet speed beginning, it is getting a little monotonous. For a person with borderline Attention Deficit Disorder, what more do you expect me to feel.

My schedule is becoming so monotonous. Its starts the night before where I sleep at 11.30pm or midnight, and begins with the next morning at 6.00am to 6.35am – shower, dress (which takes incredibly long these days) and sometimes an occasional blow-drying of my hair (depending on the mood and the activity for the day). Heading down for breakfast and my morning coffee, it all last about 15 minutes to a maximum of 25 minutes. Starting work at 7.30am, all alone in the office can be a ball of fun. But when 8.45am comes, I get nervous. The nerves stay with me the whole day (mostly). Today, for some weird timing screw up, I only left at 7.30pm. Coming back home to an empty table, heading up to an empty room where I mostly dump my stuff (before arranging it back) definitely doesn't lighten the mood. It's another round of shower and the beginning of my studies again. Right now, I just feel so exhausted typing this whiny blog piece.

I am just hanging on to dear life because I am waiting for a phone call..............I am going to lie down waiting. I am going to close my eyes waiting. I am going to definitely miss my call.

Grief

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.

The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.


.....from Grey's Anatomy season 6 premiere
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Every person has to experience the pain of grief - some point in their lives
When was your moment of pain, that the pain becomes nauseatingly unbearable?
Did you experience it as a kid, growing up when your toys were discovered broken?
Or was it during high school that your crush, crushed you heart by dating someone else?
Was it a few years back in college when you fell in love with the person you thought you would marry, but they ended up breaking your heart?
Did it occur when you boss told you, you were being let go off?
Or when you heard you failed to pass your professional examination papers?
Was it when your marriage ended in an ugly bitter divorce, where sharing custody of the kids is a heart wrenching situation?
Did you feel the pain you were suppose to when you lose a loved (parents, siblings, friends, spouses, child, relatives) one? 


The grief does begin all over, the moment you thought its over. 

Vampire Diaries

Newest addition to my long list of shows. Giving it a try as it has a semi-beautiful poster going on.

09.09.09 - WTF moment !

First there was a rumour circulating that there would be lunch provided today.
Everyone was so glad, for no apparent reason.
Soon after, an email was sent out - confirming the rumour.
After that, we were told to bring out own plates and cutleries.
Fair enough. After all, it was free food.
Exactly 59 minutes later, "Dear all, the food for lunchtoday is so yummy that xxx and her friends have finished it completely. Next time!".

WTF !
Well, WTF is a little to subtle.

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Random Music

Playlist as at 9th September 2009:

1. Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
2. Two is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls (featuring Taylor Swift)
3. Corner of Your Heart by Ingrid Michaelson
4. Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship (featuring Leighton Meester)
5. Homecoming by Hey Monday
6. Candles by Hey Monday
7. Viva La Gloria (Little Girl) by Green Day
8. You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift
9. Gravity by Sara Bareilles
10. What If by Ashley Tisdale

The Lost Symbol

Today is the mark of the one week countdown which I have been waiting for. 
Why ?
My new pre-ordered book should be on its way to me next week on the 15th. 

House Season 6 - 22 September 2009

One freaking amazingly cool show.
One freaking awesome advert.
Just love the picture so much.
There is no real value to this new post.


j o e Y

Now Or Never

Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

Mirroring My Thoughts

Did I fail to see that we are more alike than what I made us to be? I reflect on your words, filling it with emotions and bringing it to life.

Yet, you mirror my thoughts a week later. For a person, who accepts differences, the situation is becoming a little bizarre, even for me.

We don't speak. We think together. Mentally, you have become a challenge. Mentally, it's exciting. Mentally, it's exhausting.

Quote: "wearing a mask every time........... notice that not being yourself is tiring because you find that you are always acting and putting on a show".

I would find it similarly similar to the concerns I had one or two weeks back. I told you, you would burn out of exhaustion.

I warned you. At last, you understood my warnings.

Your words haunt me. It have always.

We are totally contradictors. We say something, which prompts others to have a specific perception of us, but we go straight ahead and deny or contradict our first statement.

Disgusting act in a holy month

Disgusting act in a holy month

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We understand that you are humans, so kindly understand that there are people apart from you.
Be in our situation for a moment.
I could not agree more with the writer.