Idiot

For me to be on leave (a.k.a. stress-free) and to get pissed, that is one bloody horrible incident. There is only one bloody reason I am this pissed - an idiot. How selfish can you bloody be? You are a freaking bloody selfish arse. (Phew, the venting was what I needed). Don't really know the point of this post, but I definitely feel bloody better. 

Kiss me, Goodbye

This is how you throw away all the good things, the good people in your life. I know for a fact, things will never be the same. Things will never be the way they were. Why is there part of me which tells me I have to step up my game to push ahead and give it a try? Nevertheless, there is always this part of me which leaps at the opportunity to ruin and tear things apart.

This just continues to break my heart, and yet I tell myself I had enough of the smothering.

Kiss me, goodbye. 

Monday & Tuesday

Monday. It has always been my favorite day of the whole week. Why is this so? Come on, Monday is the one day where many people are on 'emergency leave' or 'medical leave' - making the office pretty much empty. 


HOWEVER, it feels really horrible looming of tomorrow as a working day. Tomorrow is pretty much my last Monday for the next 3 weeks. THREE THREE THREE weeks. Okay, I feel like shit. I cannot resist the temptation of going back to work. I am supposedly to be on study leave from the 21st April to 5 May (my examination day). I know I have to work my whole life for the next 2 weeks because I have been on super slack mode the last 2 weeks or so. Horrible. 


As usual, I am freaked out and paranoid, but yet I choose not to do anything to study. I choose to continue working, working on Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. 


Keep telling myself that I only have 2 more days (i.e. Monday and Tuesday) to finish up all I can before I take 2 weeks off. I have promised myself to study from Wednesday onwards. *twitch twitch*


Executive decision for Monday and Tuesday - stay back and finish up my work. FINISH, not leave it hanging half way.  

Smoldering or smokin' hot

Ian Somerhalder - smoldering or smokin' hot? Perhaps both. Another eye candy to gawk at. Just wanted to stare and look at his smoldering eyes and his smoking hot jaw line. ;-)

Puzzling

Brilliant piece of puzzle to clear my head.

Graphically shown

Last week was a mess in a way. Let me graphically display my mood swing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - those days were like the build up to my happiness. However, I did not realize with him not around on Thursday, my mood and my work all halted. Friday till Sunday were all forecast. In actual fact, this is how I felt (scroll scroll scroll). 

Horrible last week, I apparently had. Sunday was horrible. No sleep at all, and I insisted on getting to work. Suffered in hell. At times, I wonder what the heck I am actually thinking of; or am I even thinking.  

Coffee, mate?

“It’s just a little crush,

Not like I’ll faint everything we touch,

It’s just some little thing,

Not like everything I do depends on you.”

Every time we turn around, there is always someone there. We show no emotion or physical reaction – playing pretend. Take the world away, and you have two individuals sharing light conversation and perhaps the growing identity of one another. Why does it always seem we have to start the conversation based on something other than just “how are you”? I am glad it was coffee, but you made it clear you are not able to take caffeine fuel refreshments - continue talking to me, while I continue walking away to the lift.

Blink. Blink. Blink. Below my messed up task bar, there was only your middle name, and my heart leaped. It seems like a dream, which never should or could have come true. Hitting my mind hard, I practice restrain. It took me 5 blinking seconds to read your name. You casually asked me about someone else – it was better than none. You should know I tried so hard to restrain from replying your every sentence. I needed a break, but you had though I went back home. Does this mean you were expecting some kind of reply?

“And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,

For me it happens all the time”

Give Me Another Reason, Give Me Nothing More

Everyone believes they are in that relationship for the right reasons, but when things go astray, everyone blames it on the other party, before taking the blame themselves by asking “What could I have done?”.  WRONG. The mistake was that you both didn’t start the relationship for the right reasons. Things just happened and over time, we came to realise we never thought we would be in this position – all broken up and alone.

Greg, read my open letter to you.

You have been hugely there for the majority of my life, while supporting my decisions and flourishing me gifts. However, give me another reason to want to start this relationship with you. You know I adore you, but I cannot love you or even like you enough to give it a try. You have the upper hand of being naturally charismatic, mesmerising myself constantly. Moving forward from here, give me a reason to want to be in love and see you as someone potential. Being rational, I know I have neither given you a reason to adore me further. I apologize on my part for being restrained and unwilling to let go of how protected I am on my emotions. Perhaps we are not ready; perhaps we were never ready for this. I wish this could happen in another time, another life time, but it happened now. I am letting “us” go. We should not pretend that we care more than we are capable of. I bid you my good bye, for this is the end. It took up too much time in our respective lives, where we started to become one another’s burden. What were we thinking? How could we have thought that we were even capable of spending our lives together? Were we blinded by loneliness? Whatever it was, I’ll miss the good times which we had together.

Can I meet you tonight? We’ll meet at my favourite place at 7p.m. I need to speak to you, and to pass to you the token of our supposed life. Take care, and I wish you nothing but the best. 

Evidence

“You are so mean to say so”, Matt jabs.

“If I was so mean, how is it that you are still laughing and finding this funny”, notes Jen.

“It is because you are making me laugh”, amuses Matt. 

(It was clear the Jen wanted to scream out loud “You make me laugh as well”)

Noticing the chemistry between Matt and Jen, it is really an interesting friendship to watch grow. While we hear Matt “suffocate” while laughing, it is clear that he brings Jen so much laughter and joy – rather quite literally taking Jen’s breathe away all together. From far, we envied the laughter and the glances they make. It makes us wonder will there possibly be more than just being friends. While reviewing the assignment, it is always Matt seeking confirmation from Jen - while we all know both Matt and Jen were never the ones doing the assignment. He could have easily turned around and asked Nadine (since she was the one actually doing the assignment). Take a quick glance at how they sat during the formal review session and for the informal networking activity. Did you notice the turn of the leg and the posture of both bodies? Even the hand gestures are so similar.

In the midst of the darkness of the ending ceremony, although silence was ultimately required – Matt nevertheless communicated to Jen, answering rhetorical questions, at the same time amusing Jen. The closeness was rather obvious and it would be pretty oblivious if we could not notice the bond.

Could it ever be this way again? We know that Jen knows this is not a dream she's in. This is reality, this really happened. But Jen evidently knows something which we don't. The closeness might be a sign, but it could mean devastation on her end. Now she must decide what can she do or can anything be done. Jen very well knows that she has to convince herself not to be overcome by pure joy. She has to remain focused that this is all part of just "being friends". It is all fun and games, but at the end of the day - they really don't know each other at all. 


Jen's perspective: When I speak to Matt, I feel that he is the funniest guy. But don't get me wrong, I only feel that he's funny, nothing more. He's just a great friend. We can't imagine or conjure up anything from thin air, and this is definitely thin air we are breathing. 


But Jen, we reckon it was obvious he dropped hints. When you mentioned that your umbrella was missing, and when Nadine mentioned a secret admirer might have taken it, Matt said that you might find a love note once you prop open the umbrella - who ever thinks of that anymore. Why would he make fun of this fact, if he was not that in to you? 


Jen's perspective: Oh well, he was just being funny that's all. Did you know he called my good friend a "geek"? Well, that is really amusing, but it doesn't sit well with me knowing that he is capable of trashing people as well. Or the fact, he notices everyone but me. 


Jen, Jen, Jen. Perhaps perhaps. Perhaps he is playing coy and giving you the benefit to think he doesn't notice you at all. His confession did take you by surprise. It caught some of your attention. 


Jen's perspective: Don't dwell on this matter anymore. We are never going back there after all. We are hardly friends to say the least. Please do not debate this matter with me anymore, as Matt and I are going back to the way we were - unknowns to each another. 


Jen, do think about what you are saying. Will you be able to sleep at night? Consider it.